total mess-up

and everything around me is evident to that fact.

my life is out of order and this dangerous game

can't seem to bring it back

into play and everyday

i wish it would get a little better.

i was never the pessimestic one

and i have no intention of starting now..

why look down when there is no ending.

why look up when real friends be pretending.

i'll be the one to smile in your face and break off a piece of my soul

swallowing all signs of pain because this life has a toll

and i'm already in debt

so i'm sitting wondering

where is the funds going to come from?

i have very little feelable support and inspiration

no disrespect

but

i'm not so in to this capitalistic nation

my dreams and happiness has been misshapen

and the only place i can call a safe haven

has even been invaded

my heart was torn a part

in a vicious manner

and i have this tough interior that i can't picture letting down

crumbling over

some person i'm not too sure of

...and its not fair for you.

no

its really not fair for you.

because you, you deserve someone a little better.

a little more patience.

a little more willing.

a little less paranoid.

a little less accusing.

a little more affectionate.

a little more capable.

a little less cruel.

a little more pleasant.

i'm not the one for you.

and i sometimes wish i was,

to know i can be comfortable in a place forever is so warming.

but the title of forever is a big red flashing warning.

you need a hand

and honestly i'm disabled...I gave so much of myself

too connected and i'm trying to cut the cables...

I need to find myself

and I need to do it fast.

This cold person all bruised up is not usually a jerk or an as-

astronmically, I have an ocean storm stirring up because I'm not being the moon

Im not gleaming with light and I'm feeling all doomed

but I promise if I find my self soon

and if you give me room

it would be for the best

and maybe we can always be cool.