Re-Learning the academia and spirituality behind Smiling.

Help me win a $3,000 college scholarship. Vote for my essay!

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Vote for this lovely young lady and help her get into her college =] thanks !!!

And I am thankful for being able to breath even through the many pollutions put into my air.

“Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep... wait for the boy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, who thinks you're just as pretty without makeup on. One who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky his is to have you.... The one who turns to his friends and says, 'that's her.'”

Man of my dreams..but I don't sleep so I can't find him..
Rather I slept on him..

in a calm sea every man is a pilot...

How do you react to a quotation like that?
Especially when you officially decided to put an end to things.
And he doesn't reply and you have to sit and ask are you over reacting?
But I am quite sure its within the process of things..its a step a
In getting over a break up. This time I know its real...
Now back to the quotation...
"In a calm sea every man is a pilot."
So many meanings and things come to my head when I look at this quote...for one...vows made in the storm are forgotten in the calm , calm before the storm, and any man can be a captain when the sea is at calm.

Now these three sayings reign some what true in my current situation like I was willing to forget all the bad things and dismiss my promise of letting go just so I can have an us. But there was never an us in calm always a stormy tempest. Things are kind of different not having any contact with someone for over a week...and the real storm will be the moments in which I am transitioning and getting over him. All feelings could highly possibly be destroyed....
And finally the pilot the captain..that in which he is.
He has a bit more control over this situation...

I never wanted to be the storm :(
But like all bad weather....
Goes away so the sun can shine

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I'm slowly losing my mind...and the physical beings around me...

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Tell me all your thoughts on God?

'Cause I would really like to meet her.

And ask her why we're who we are.

Tell me all your thoughts on God,

Cause I am on my way to see her.

So tell me am I very far -

Am I very far now?

Tell me all your thoughts on God?

'Cause I would really like to meet her.

And ask her why we're who we are.

Tell me all your thoughts on God,

Cause I am on my way to see her.

So tell me am I very far -

Am I very far now?

Tell me all your thoughts on God?

'Cause I would really like to meet her.

And ask her why we're who we are.

Tell me all your thoughts on God,

Cause I am on my way to see her.

So tell me am I very far -

Am I very far now?

Tell me all your thoughts on God?

'Cause I would really like to meet her.

And ask her why we're who we are.

Tell me all your thoughts on God,

Cause I am on my way to see her.

So tell me am I very far -

Am I very far now?

Tell me all your thoughts on God?

'Cause I would really like to meet her.

And ask her why we're who we are.

Tell me all your thoughts on God,

Cause I am on my way to see her.

So tell me am I very far -

Am I very far now?

Please
Excuse
All
Crazy
Experiences

It doesn't hurt so much. It is this feeling

of emptiness.

This split second of possible doubt.

This never ending nag

and my loud SIGH and my breathing"dag"

I always wanted it to work...I always had my head up in hopes

of light.

But the ending lasted longer than our beginnings.

Maybe I was too young and dumb.

The essential combination of a young girl wishing for love.

At the end of the day and many of the middles...I find myself...thinking

of you.

hoping that you

would find that painful, fun, difficult, hazy path

back to me.

I tried to cry.

But I ended it officially.

Pride absently leaves me recognition that I was not for you.

Two different landscapes.

and they keep telling me I'm too young.

The joy and sorrow of being young.

The hope in tomorrow

when today is done.

Dishwalla - Every Little Thing

Let go. Understand that there is no benefit in holding on to heartache, regret, and hatred toward another person. Realize that although it is over, your relationship with that person was unique and special in a lot of ways. You can congratulate yourself for being brave enough to take a risk and fall in love, and encourage your heart that even though love didn't work out this time, there will be a next time. Try not to think about them, Don't let anger get the best of you.

In The Morning Official Video - J. Cole Feat. Drake

Please.

God just let me have tea with him.

I really don't think I would want to have any type of fornication.

Although he is so charming and cute.

I just would like to exchange some words....

and whats making me weak is that she was still in the bed...

in the morning !

And I IS Back .....

and I have a lot to say about this past week and its end....

so I went to New York for a quick trip , to honestly get my textbook for a class. everyone swore I was going to see David but that totally was not the case. Yes it would have been nice if I bumped into him not literally but figuratively. So I'm taking the MTA home in some red wedges and a jean jacket , mind you NY is cold in February but hey who owns coats in Atlanta besides people from Atlanta.
I get home to get questioned and bugged just like family is suppose to do, well at least my family...and its cool I'm loving it. Until. I realize I'm dead tired an I will be going to sleep now, thank you. Goodnight.

So in the morning I find the book which really wasn't even that hidden -____- and I decide I want a veggie burger for lunch. YES for my uncle coming with his hooptie and YES for letting me get Burger King. No for making me rush back but hey its not your car Shapel. So yadda yadda ya..I don't remember much but basically I did not see David and it did kind of hurt but I get over things...Eventually. Oh and he still hasn't call.

I get back to Atlanta on Valentine's Day at 9am basically. Jasmyn picks me up...we get all the way to the parking deck for something to happen. Now I know we turned on the wrong side, thats understandable. But I doubt she would have made a 3 point turn in the space meant for a smaller car. So as a person of some logic I decided we should just go straight bearing to our left hoping not to see a person making a wide fast turn. Oh but we did. My car is fine. His light is smashed. Now I was not in the best of spirits for having the boy I like not contacting me too much and then my car is hit. I have no scratches but now "I'm " in an accident. -_____- but I never asked him to be looking out his car window the whole span of the turn..although he turned out to be not so bad, I guess.

Now quite honestly I really am a little disappointed that although its my car and all Jasmyn did not offer to help pay. I mean even if I turned her down that would have stuck out to me as character. Like thanks but you know I'll try to handle it. I don't know if its cause I actually put my heart in a lot of things but I know if the shoes were on different feet , I would offer to pay and miss my class. Yes I know things went magically wrong while I was gone for a day but when you take on a responsibility you take it on. I mean I just know I woud have done a lot of things differently as in not leaving the gas container in someones backseat...more so in the trunk. I would have proceeded and then probably beeped the horn...or reversed and beeped the horn...I mean I would have done something more and I don't know if thats because its my car and I worked hard to pay for it and my insurance or what...but I know it probably wouldn't have went down like that. No matter how people think I drive...I never caused harm to anyone or a car or anything...cause I had a good friend die because of just driving cautiously. BUT anyways if I did crash or whatever...I would have stayed no matter how many times my friend said leave, no matter how many times missing class popped into my head and etc. but like I said I am very very selfless. I'm not  once again...just disappointed with the way some of the people I call friends down here end up treating me...and then I think is it because I gave them this title too early or maybe we have different definitions and expectations...

so I'm paying for everything by myself. and basically no one can drive my car.
Hard Head Makes A Mighty Soft Behind.( should have listen sooner)
Me and Clarke just finished watching comedy Sheneneh clips on Youtube and some other stuff...for like two hours and it was fun....

I'm tired and optimistic...

The sun greets me with a kiss in the morning =]

My life is all about tears, laughter and pain...I'm just trying to combine all of them together so that my pain is from my laughter and that laughter causes split side pain...

Cupid- 112

True love doesn't lie.

True love does not lie.

True love won't lie.

How I keep managing to fall face first feet down and spirit up into this pit.
Makes me think...
Wow.
My life is blessed
but I am still feeling like ish-
and How dare I feel anything but bless there are those that are hungry
and those who eat all the time...
but then there is the rest.
I managed to let myself go
into this dark room called lust
and ended up with expected dissapointments all because I trust-
ed that you might and possibly could change
being my true feelings would be the catalyst
but all I could ever do was just foolishly wish
and you
you did it
you proved me right again
in the end of all the gloom
i guess we can't be friends.

Final Curve

When you turn the corner

And you run into yourself

Then you know that you have turned

All the corners that are left

Langston Hughes

Final Curve

When you turn the corner

And you run into yourself

Then you know that you have turned

All the corners that are left

Langston Hughes

My reasoning to any discussion never places blame on the person its just an attempt to find change. Blame leaves pain and fire and change also leaves pain and fire but I'd like to believe change is more progressive.- Shapel

Day 1

Romare Bearden died in New York on March 12, 1988 due to complications from bone cancer. In their obituary for him, the New York Times called Bearden "one of America's pre-eminent artists" and "the nation's foremost collagist."-wiki

Black History Month begins...

but i live it every second of my life....but its important to me to try to remind myself of how great Africans are in America. Those colored folk...make me happy to say yes I have melanin...and yes I am Golden and my mind is on sunshine..